Fergie, The Captain and his ‘Star-Spangled’ tingle

Editor’s note from John E. Bialas: I found only one person who enjoyed Fergie’s national anthem this past weekend and that person is named Captain Tenacious, the lifelong Playboy of the Mississippi Coast, sportswriting legend, Biloxi Sports Hall of Famer and future Gulfport Hall of Famer. He shares his love for Fergie in this guest commentary, a fine piece of quality journalism.

By CAPTAIN TENACIOUS
Special to the Broadmoor Bureau

No matter what all the haters say, Fergie sang American history’s most coochie-coochie version of “The Star-Spangled Banner” at the NBA All-Star Game in Los Angeles on Sunday.

It was lusty. It was sultry. It was hot. Fergie was hot. She made me hot.

Forget about patriotism. It was a frisky pop-culture moment, and I wanted Fergie to be my new girlfriend.

Her hair was down and her dark dress was captivating and shoulder-baring.

Twitter people have ripped, mocked and laughed at Fergie for her jazz-inspired performance. For example:

Though I haven’t seen such a post, I can only imagine that one of the snarkers tweeted, “The rendition was so bad, it sounded like Francis Scott Off-Key wrote it.”

I tingled in appreciation of Fergie’s presentation. I bet the All-Stars tingled, too, as they heard Fergie sing.  I’m sure that’s why Draymond Green was smiling.

I’m 66 years old going on 67 in June, but Fergie made me feel like a young man again.

Photo credit: Mundo Fergabee on Instagram. I endorse Fergabee’s message.

 

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Tweeters bash Ole Miss coach Matt Luke

Ole Miss coach Matt Luke addresses the media after the loss to Texas A&M on Saturday. TWITTER

By JOHN E. BIALAS
Broadmoor  Bureau Chief

Football fans are going to Twitter to bash Ole Miss interim coach Matt Luke with one game to go in the Rebels season, the Thanksgiving Night finale against Mississippi State in the Egg Bowl in Starkville.

These fans are making fun of Luke and hoping the game will be his last in a role he took on after coach Hugh Freeze was fired this summer for a “pattern of personal misconduct.”

I’m a Luke fan who has followed his career since he was a young high school pup in Gulfport, Mississippi, my hometown, but the anti-Luke tweets coming in after the Ole Miss loss to Texas A&M on Saturday night in Oxford are entertaining because of their creative wordplay.

Shirley Temples, 14 putters, shopping cart, buffet, 4th date, Best Buy, T-shirts?

Though I don’t get all the references in those jokes, they sound good.

 

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LSU’s Derrius Guice cracks wise after wet win

ESPN sideline reporter Allison Williams interviews LSU running back Derrius Guice on Saturday. TWITTER

By JOHN E. BIALAS
Broadmoor Bureau Chief

LSU running back Derrius Guice was hilarious in his interview with ESPN sideline reporter Allison Williams after the Tigers beat the Tennessee Vols 30-10 in Knoxville on Saturday night.

“His teeth are chattering now,” Williams said as she stood next to Guice.

It sounded like Guice said, “Look like I’m on crack.”

But before the Tigers left Neyland Stadium, hit by a torrential rainstorm at the start of the second half, Guice posted this tweet to his 50,000 followers.

Uh, OK.

I’ll let you figure you if he said “it feels like my teeth are about to crack.”

Check out this six-second clip.

Guice was just warming up in the wet and the cold.

“We came out of halftime knowing the weather conditions. We came out more ready than them in their own stadium,” he said.

When Williams asked Guice about playing in bad weather, he said, “What am going to tell the coach? ‘Oh, I don’t want to play because it’s too cold?’

“You just gotta man up and go.”

Guice gave his Twitter followers a funny update at 9:50 p.m.

 

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